The good news is that my health has improved so I’ve got years ahead. I’m suffering from a surfeit of health! Damn? The clock ticks so slowly.
Dr C said it was normal, normal for your mood to take a dip after good news. He’d seen it a lot. The cloud lifts but you sink, or at least you may do for a while.
It’s as if I invested in a certain sort of reckoning, in coming to terms with finality or at least trying to. I had started to live outside myself, in the world that will survive my existential annihilation. I even saw my life as just a line on a Gantt chart, alongside all the other lines. A sum total.
Now what?