Solitude

When I was younger, much younger, I noticed a pattern in my life which seemed like an agoraphobic vs claustrophobic oscillation. There would be times when I seemed almost socially addicted, I needed to be with people, with someone, all the time. Probably as a result of this I would then get involved with someone, and after a while I needed to get out. And then I would swing back in the agoraphobic phase. Luckily this pattern gradually faded in my 30s.

For some time now I have been living alone. I could say I am acquainted with solitude. Sometime that feels like loneliness, but most of the time it’s OK. I am independent. I have my rhythms to the day. I am busy. I get up early, I love the early morning, the time before dawn. Evenings are more problematic. It’s then particularly that I miss someone. Ditto when I am on holiday. I have somehow accommodated to the agoraphobia by avoiding the agora, the market place, the (potential) meeting place where we offer ourselves.